The Goal Weight Wear

I found it!  I found the motivation for the weight loss!  You know, besides regaining my health & energy and living longer.  I always have this goal weight outfit sitting in my closet that I stare longingly at, but why stop at an outfit?  I found a BATHING SUIT!  Now, I'm a super nerd.  I didn't always let it show.  In high school I just sort of existed so that I wasn't the center of attention, but people didn't hate me.  Once I met my husband, a D&D and World of Warcraft super geek, I learned to let the geek hang out.  So I started collecting fairy statues (which now sit in a box in my garage because glass and toddlers don't mix), watching Lord of the Rings religiously and obsessing over Harry Potter books and movies.  I also rekindled my love for Star Wars.  With that said...I give you the goal swimsuit!

This swimsuit is available HERE

It's a good thing I'm married, because this bathing suit screams "real life doesn't suit me" in cool people beach language.  No man would ever go near that...unless equally geeky.

Weekly Weigh-In 10/22/2010

Hey!  So sorry I didn't post on Friday, but I did weigh myself.  I'm down to 185.1 which is down 2.4 lbs!  Now if only I could lose period bloating water weight every week.  This week will be the REAL test because I'm starting an exercise routine.  Last night I tried out my Jillian Michaels "Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism" DVD and OMG!  I wanted to die.  My lungs could handle it, my heart could handle it, but my muscles were like "You're so funny, Crystal".  It was so ouchie!  Today I'm giving it another shot and again tomorrow, and again the day after that, and so on and so forth.  It felt good for the 20 minutes that I lasted.  My major observation was this: Drink like 500 gallons of water a day to survive this workout.  Seriously, I think water would have made the difference.  I will post weigh in pics later when my husband gets home from church.  I know I should be at church, too, but I was sleepy.  Happy Sunday!

Monopolizing My Weight Loss!

Im gonna lose weight!  I'm gonna be sexy!  I'm gonna win it big at McDonald's Monopoly!  Say what?!?!?!  Yep, that's me today.  Every stinking year they suck me in and this year is no different, despite my vow to lose weight.  I hate you Mickey D's.  I found a cartoon that pretty much sums up what I did today...

I apologize for my hypocrisy, but I'd be a liar if I came on today and said that I had an awesome diet day.  I am, however, going to not fall into that pit again.  No, I didn't win....grrrr.  I don't need to buy into it.  I live in Las Vegas...there's gambling everywhere and I don't have to eat 800+ calories to do it.  I can spend the same $15 with the same result, but I don't because I hate gambling.  I never do it.  Well, I did it on my 21st birthday.  I hit the nickel machines and came out $.60 ahead 'cuz I know when to stop.  Anyway, I went for a 45 minute walk with my husband and tomorrow starts my Jillian Michael's 30-day shred.  And it's my next weigh in.  I bet you all can't wait to see my nasty sports bra again.  I didn't have an opportunity to buy a new one, so I apologize in advance.

The Biggest Loser

I am a huge fan of The Biggest Loser.  I only started really watching last season and just fell in love with the whole concept.  I loved how last year was all about the weight loss.  Game play was at a minimum and those who chose to be players were frowned upon by the other contestants.  This season is different and it's making me so angry!  They're getting the opportunity of a lifetime and gambling with it!  I know a few people who would love to have healthy foods picked out for them, a $200 body bug, and the best trainers around.  So guess what I did?  I bought 3 Jillian Michaels DVDs and a book written by the doctor from The Biggest Loser.  I'll let you know how it goes (obviously).  I ordered them online and they should be here tomorrow.  I'm glad it's tomorrow because, I really don't want to start today...typical person trying to lose weight, lol!  I have a feeling that it's going to kick my butt! If you don't watch TBL, I suggest that you do.  It's a window into someone else's life and how they deal with their obesity issues.  You also find out why they are how they are and watch their journey of discovering themselves and how they can change their thought processes about food.  One episode last season cracked me up, though.  Jillian was made to eat a meal from on of the local fast food places in the town of one contestant...a place the contestant frequented.  Jillian was DISGUSTED by the food and all I could think was "Wow, I want one"!  I couldn't stop laughing about how much I love food.  Maybe I can trick myself into hating that stuff...probably not.  But I can make myself back off.

Me and my BIG ideas

This  year I decided to make Halloween costumes for me, my husband, my daughter, my sister, her husband and her son.  What was I thinking?  I'm almost finished, but WOWZA!  My family is going as the Flintstones and my sister's family will be going as the Rubbles.  It sounds great, right?  Well, I'm Wilma...who dresses in ALL WHITE!  Again, what was I thinking?  The good news is that I cut the pattern a few inches larges to accommodate for my extra "fluff" and ended up making it waaay to big-talk about a confidence booster!  The bad news is that I had to fix it.  But it's been keeping me busy and away from the refrigerator.  I find that by keeping myself occupied during the day with an activity that I can't have food around, I do better while dieting.  I'm so glad I'm going to have Christmas presents to make to keep me away from Halloween candy, pumpkin rolls and Christmas cookies. here's a picture of my husband's and daughter's costumes.  I'll throw in my nephew's too for good measure!

Will it work this time?

As I set off on my newest shot ant weight loss, I question if it will work this time.  What's so different this time around?  I think I figured it out.  It's not that I'm super motivated.  In fact, I'm dreaming of chips and hot fudge sundaes right now.  It's just that I've finally found a way to love myself fat.  It may sound so dumb, but it has taken an awful lot to get here.  My entire life has been spent in moments of quiet depression because of my looks.  I grew up with a mother that, in spite of her undying love for me, passed on her low self-esteem problems to me.  She spent much of her life switching between bulimia and anorexia and didn't hide it from us.  She never condoned it, but me and my sisters knew.  Hearing "I'm so fat" all of the time from her and watching her cry after a shopping trip really effected me.    I think it REALLY hit me that I was fat when I was 10 years old.  My aunt came into town one summer and bought all of us new bathing suits.  My mom made us all try them on and I was so excited...until I put it on.  It was SUPPOSED to fit and it DIDN'T!  I wouldn't come out of the bedroom and couldn't stop crying because I was too fat for my swimsuit.  I finally came out in my clothes, pulled my mom aside and told her about what happened.  Her response was "I understand" and she let it go.  There was no "honey, you're beautiful and you have nothing to be embarrassed about" or any sort of comfort, just confirmation and dismissal.  My mother is not a horrible woman.  She just handled a delicate situation completely wrong.  Unfortunately, this was the stepping stone for the rest of my life.   No matter how much weight I lost, I saw a fat girl in the mirror.  No amount of compliments mattered because I KNEW what a fatty I was.  About 6 months ago, I saw some photos of me before I got pregnant and I was so skinny!  When I took those pictures, I was convinced I was fat and ugly.  I realized that no matter how much I diet and diet and diet and I'd never be proud of my accomplishments because something was wrong in my head.  I needed to fix something.  I started shopping for clothes that fit my "now" body instead of my "someday" body.  I started calling myself pretty out loud in the mornings.  I started counting all of the ways I did well in my life.  What really made a difference was thinking of my daughter, Aurelia.  She's 17 months old now and will soon understand what mommy says.  I don't ever want her to hear me call myself fat. I don't ever want her to see me cry because my clothes don't fit right. I don't ever want her to see herself negatively when she's the most beautiful girl in the world.  I don't want her to go through what I went through when I have the power to help her.  it sounds corny, but it's true.  I could never wish on a child what I went through.  It was so painful.    If you're going through the same thing, pick yourself up.  You are beautiful and amazing regardless of what anyone has said to you in the past.  You are worth all of the happiness in the world.  Let's get healthy together.  I'm going to spend the rest of my life happy, but I want to have more time to do it.

Crystal

The Initial Weigh-in 10/15/2010

 A few things to keep in mind when looking at my photos:

1.) I am smiling!  Why?  Because I'm happy.  It's taken me a long time to love myself the way that I am.  Yes, I need to be healthier, but I'm not going to frown and moan about my weight.  I've worked too hard to go there.

2.) Dude, I need a trim or some serious leave in conditioner treatments.  My hair is FRIED!

3.) I need a new sports bra.  It looks like I treated my bra like I've been treating my body and ...DAMN!  I'm also wearing a regular bra under my sports bra to keep things a little less frightening.  You can thank me later.

4.) Stretch marks happen when you have a baby and have a pre-disposition to them.  We can pretend that it's a tribal tattoo all over my tummy, right?

5.) I see London, I see France, and girl I can totally see your underwear!  Yes my pants are stretched into sheer.  I know this...it's better than being in a bikini, trust me.

Ok, with that out of the way, here are my stats:

Height: 5'3"
Beginning weight: 187lbs
Goal weight: 127 lbs
Love handles/ belly: 45.5"
1" Under bust: 36"
Right Thigh: 27"
Left Thigh: 27"
Butt: 47.5"
Left Arm: 16.5"
Right Arm: 16.5"
Bust: 43"

PHOTOS:

Front View

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 Face (a lot of people say I lose weight in my face first, so I thought this would help)